Meet Mark (not his real name obviously), He came to me with a problem many of us know far too well…

“It sucks, very frustrating. I’m a 49 yr old single guy. Good looking. Can’t get a date if my life depended on it. All girls wanna do is chat online. Not my thing at all. I’m not good with computers. I work a lot. Also have a small business. Willing to travel about 100miles. Can u help me plz?”

Two fingers painted too look like people holding a heart

Dear Mark,

It might sound like an old, worn-out answer, but, you’re not alone.

Finding partners (whether one serious or several casual) is not always an easy thing. After pondering your dilemma, I think there are a few options…

1.  COMPUTER SOLUTION


Don’t worry, I’ll get to the non-digital stuff after, but I felt this was important to address.

Hands scrolling throught text on smartphone, blue jeans and brown sweater

For better or worse, everything is on computers now.

Everything.

This includes the dating and sex scene.

By leaving out anything digital, you’re denying yourself a larger pool of candidates – and therefore a greater chance of finding someone you’re compatible with.

It’s especially key for women in the 40-50+ age brakes who use apps and such as a safe way to test the waters of the dating scene.

And…

It’s not just women that flock to these platforms either.

Both sexes use it as a vetting system to omit the creeps, assholes, crazies, or those that just aren’t worth the time.

Yes, this means you’re going to be competing against many other men (more so if you’re going after younger women on apps that have a younger user base), scammers, and fake profiles.

And it comes with its own set of pros, cons, and general frustrations.

But…

You’ll be able to sift through people with something as simple as a swipe and not waste your time as well.

INITIAL SUGGESTIONS: Bumble, Happn, Stitch, and DatingOver50s

As for the “typing on a phone” problem – I totally understand (I’m a key masher to the point you’d swear I was dyslexic). If you have a tablet, you can load the app on there. It will be a million times easier to type and you can stay connected.

2.  NON-COMPUTER SOLUTION


If you’re determined to keep it old-school (which is okay too), you’ll have to go out more.

Granted, I have no idea how often you go out now, but you did mention you have your own small business – and I know those require a lot of hours  – so, I’m not sure how much you put yourself into the dating scene.

Woman having a cup of coffee in a cafe

Some might suggest the old fall back of, “go to a bar.”

I’d tell them to stop giving advice.

Most women go out to bars to have fun with friends and have a drink, and most don’t want to be hit on where the environment is already charged with booze, tension, and impaired decision-making abilities. The same goes for anywhere else people go to be in their own little world or comfort zone.

Instead…

Try places where it’s expected to socialize with new people:

  • Go to local community to-dos
  • Go to city events
  • Join volunteer programs
  • Go to speed dating parties
  • Try dating agencies
  • Go out with friends
  • Expand your social circle
  • Go places you normally wouldn’t go
  • Join clubs (for whatever hobbies you have)

The last one especially is good because you’ll meet people you already have things in common with.

3. WANT SOMETHING SPICIER?


If you want to get more into the kink side, search out a “munch” (a non-kinky gather of kinky people). These gatherings are used to vet people and weed out anyone negative.

Go to a couple of these to establish yourself in the community. If they like you, you will find yourself invited to more private and “action-based” events. 

Many of these will be found on FetLife. So, get an account (if you don’t have one already).

I’ll also warn you that many don’t post the address until they’ve had a chance to chat with you – therefore you’re still going to need to go the computer route for a few conversations. 

CONCLUSION


There’s no right or wrong choice when it comes to digital vs traditional, because, the truth is …

There are plenty of people out there looking for love, romance, or just sex. You just have to put in the time to find them.

Stay resilient.

Stay open.

Stay positive.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

How about you, fellow readers and lovers? What advice would you add? Share in the comments!